the "NO BS GUIDE" to your first juice cleanse

July 12, 2018

I DIDN’T EAT FOR 3 DAYS. 

 

Good Morning from Las Vegas, Nevada. I am alive. Its been THREE days since I’ve eaten actual food and chewed something. No, I’m not sick. Yes, I did this by choice. I just came off of a three day juice cleanse and I had existential experience. 🤯

 

Before I share what I learned, imma A a few FAQs… 

Justine, you’re healthy, why did you cleanse? I landed in LV approx. 3 weeks ago and LITERALLY all I’ve ingested was beer, burgers, all you can eat sushi, Filipino food, BBQ food, fried food, happy hour food, coffee, and like literally 2 days of healthy eating because we went to this place that meal preps for you. I still boxed and worked out and all that but I felt gross and stopped up. I needed a system reboot FOR SURE. 💩

 

What did you do to prepare? I read all these blogs and healthy living websites about what I should do to prep for a juice cleanse. For example, two weeks prior you need to abstain from processed foods and eat clean, drink a green juice a day, then slowly increase the amount of green juices to replace meals. Did I do that? Nope.🤷🏻‍♀️ The night before, it was game night with friends and I ate two slices of pizza, cookies, and drank a few beers. 

 

Did you buy the juice or did you make it? Jay and I went to this place called Pressed and bought a 3 day cleanse which included 6 juices, aloe water to drink before bed, and chlorophyll water to drink throughout the day. We paid about $110.

 

I never juiced before, how did it taste? Like a garden. There are different juicing options out there with different flavors, so just pick what works best for you! 

 

So, what’s off limits? What was your schedule?  Food, caffeine, and carbonation. You can have AS MUCH water and tea as your little heart desires. I drank my first juice a few hours after I woke up – around 10AM ish, then I set an alarm on my phone for two hours and drank the remaining juices every two hours. When I got hungry, I drank tea. I didn’t sip on the juice, I chugged.

 

Did you Intermittent Fast or Work Out while juicing? No and No LOL 

 

What did you eat after the cleanse was over?  You're SUPPOSED to eat fruit. But I drank coffee and had a breakfast sandwich.  

 

What was the hardest day? Easily. Day OneTwoThree. All of the days. Its hard to break the habit of eating the rest of what was left on your kids plate. Its hard to walk past the fridge and not look in it. Its hard not to see your mom have a plate of food and not pick off of it.  

 

Were you hungry? No, I wasn’t. but I NEEDED something to chew. Like I wanted texture in my mouth. Tell me why I saw my youngest son drumming his hands on a leather couch and I thought to myself “hmm… I wonder what couch feels like if I bit into it.” Whaaat?! Who thinks that!? 

 

Did your stomach get flat? I mean, if you didn’t eat for three days your belly would get a little smaller but that wasn't the goal of this cleanse. A LOT of my bloating went down. But it happened in stages… if that makes sense? When I woke up on Day 2, the top part of my belly (by my ribs) was flat. Day 3 the area around my belly button was flat. I don’t know what would happen if I kept juicing and if the rest of my belly would be flat. Who knows? I had three kids, maybe my belly would never ever ever get flat --- and I'm cool with that. But three days is my max. Maybe I’ll find enough will power to juice for five or seven days and get back to ya’ll, but that’s most likely never gonna happen. 

 

Did you lose weight? I don’t know. I didn’t weigh myself before or after.  But we did meet a guy who was juicing for 60 days. He was on day 42 and lost over 50 lbs already.  

 

What I learned:

My relationship with food is PURLEY emotional. I ate because it made me happy. I ate because it brought friends together. I ate because food is DELICIOUS. I ate because biting into different textures is like… the best thing ever. 

 

Weird things happen when your body starts to detox itself… I read that you’ll experience brain fog and irritability. For the first day I wasn’t really grumpy but I was really tired, which was weird because I got a full 8 hours of sleep. My mouth was dryyy even though I was pounding water all day. I felt like my breath was stinky. I brushed my teeth like three or four times a day because I was so self conscious of it. I wasn’t sure if chewing gum was allowed on a juice cleanse. The most frustrating symptom was that I was SIGNIFICANTLY stupider. Like that brain fog is HEAVY. I couldn’t find words for certain things and I kept calling things different names. 

 

KEEP YOURSELF BUSY. Like. Don’t do this cleanse on a weekend. If you do, fill your time with a movie, or a massage, get your toes done, do SOMETHING. If you work, starting your cleanse at work is most ideal because you’re at work for 8 hours a day and that will eat up most of your time. 

 

THREE DAYS IS PERFECT if you’re just starting out. This was the first time I ever completed a “diet” successfully. Its just long enough for you to suffer, but short enough for you to power through. There were SO MANY TIMES that I wanted to say “EFF IT” and get a burger… but I’m glad I didn’t. I feel super accomplished! 

 

You need someone to suffer with you. I had my sister in law and my husband do this with me. We texted each other how much it sucked. We laughed about the taste of the juices. We toasted our juices with our mom who was drinking a beer. But in the end... we did it. And damn -- I don't know if its the camaraderie or whatever but I'd do some weird fad diet/cleanse again if they asked me to. 

 

Should you go on a juice cleanse? Sure, if you've been eating and drinking like crap and you haven't taken a poo in a couple days and you need a system reboot. No, if you want a quick fix way to lose weight. 

 

If you choose to do a juice cleanse best of luck to you! If I could do it (the girl with the LEAST amount of will power EVER!) then you DEF can! Let me know what your results are, how long you juiced for, and what your thoughts are! 

 

 

 

 

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