April is C Section Awareness month. It’s also The Month of the Military Child. Huffington Post wrote a beautiful piece about us “unsung heroes”. I’m a two-time C Section mama and when I deliver my 3rd son, he will be a scheduled C Section as well.
I had my 34 week check up last week and I get really iffy around this time because with my first son, I never made it past 34 weeks. I had to deliver my son via Emergency C Section. I wasn’t planning on delivering 6 weeks early, I wasn’t planning on developing preeclampsia, I wasn’t planning on having a C Section. Nothing went according to “plan”.
I had a normal day of student teaching, had to go to a doctor’s appointment, had to run errands, and then finish up lesson plans. My husband flew back to his duty station on the East Coast the weekend before, and our baby shower was planned for the weekend after. My doctor dropped a serious bomb on me when he said I had to cancel the rest of my day, call my husband to get back to Las Vegas, and call my parents to bring my bags to the hospital because I had to deliver that day. I begged to deliver the next day so my husband could be there for the birth.
The next day my husband’s plane landed at 5PM, I was in the operating room by 6:30PM and Caleb was out by 7:30PM. He was so little, not breathing on his own, and not eating on his own. He had to be in the NICU for 17 days after his birth. I wasn’t able to hold my son for two days because I had to be put on a 24-hour Magnesium drip. I developed such severe preeclampsia that my son stopped growing at 30 weeks in utero.
No, it wasn’t in my “plan”. My plan was to bake a baby. My plan was to go full term. My plan was to be one of those bad ass moms that pushed the baby out with no epidural. My plan was to have a big fat baby. I wanted to take my big fat baby home and love and snuggle on the little squish instead of watch him in a box, hooked up to all these machines.
I was bitter and selfish because the birth didn’t go my way. I was angry at my body because I wasn’t “woman” enough to go full term and to push a baby out. My son is 5 now and it wasn’t until recently (even after the birth and surgery of my 2nd son) that I finally came to terms with my delivery. If I were stubborn and insisted things go “my way”, something horrible could have happened to my boy, I would’ve seized, or any other terrible situation could have occurred. As a mom, you need to cast your pride aside for what is best for your baby. If that means having a C Section instead of a vaginal birth, then so be it. You’re not any less of a woman. You didn’t “cop out”. You still created life, you still carried that life for months, and in some shape of form that baby came out of you. You’re still a woman. You’re still a mom.
My hopes in sharing my C Section story is to empower the other C Section Moms out there and to support them in saying that they ARE enough. No, it may not be your plan. Yes, it may take you some time to be okay with it, and that’s okay. Birth is Birth. My girl, Ally, wrote a post about what having a C Section taught her.